Don’t Do It For the Instagram

I don’t know who needs to hear this but, there’s more to traveling than getting that perfect shot to post on social media. Immersing yourself in a culture that’s different than your own reaps benefits far more important than the likes you’ll get on your Instagram. The lessons you’ll learn about yourself and the stories you’ll share with strangers will stay with you throughout your lifetime.

This is an excerpt from Anthony Bourdain’s Love Letter to Vietnam that I feature on another blog post (I’m so obsessed with it that I mention it twice on this site!). Shortly after returning from Vietnam, Bourdain sat with EF Outbound for an interview. His message resonates with me. His words pull at my heart strings. In case you don’t hear it (which you most definitely should) I’ve written it here —- “I felt both enriched and distanced from my former life. I had a very hard time relating to people, some people, that I had been very close to before. I had a hard time figuring out, not how I was going to tell these stories in a book or on TV, that’s relatively easy. But, how I would tell these stories to my friends and to my, then, wife was difficult. It still is. When you’ve been treated generously by strangers. When you’ve smelled things and tasted things and seen things that none of your friends have seen. That few from where you come from have seen. That are unlike anything you’ve seen before. Look, that changes you. Mostly, in really good ways. But I think you also have to be prepared for the possibility that it will alienate you, somewhat, from the life you once lived”.

And it’s true! I do what I do because I have a burning desire to see what else is out there - beyond my small hometown. Do I, in any way, think I am ‘better’ than my peers that have never left the United States? Am I a step above the general public because I have more stamps on my passport? Hell no! But, I will say, it is somewhat difficult for me to relate to someone that hasn’t experienced this unique feeling.

This is the usual small talk at the bar with a friend I haven’t seen in a while: “Hey! How’s it going?! How was your trip?”. I respond “Oh my God! Yeah, it was awesome! It’s so beautiful there” .. & that’s it. It’s so surface level that I feel like I’m doing the country a disservice by not going into more depth. But it seems I can’t expand upon it. Not because I don’t want to seem boastful about the fantasy life I live (I know when to draw the line) but because if you’ve only been to Disney World, you just won’t get it.

I’ve had a Vietnamese man invite me into his home to sit on his couch, drink beers and sing Elvis Presley songs. His wife didn’t speak a lick of English but she prepared a smorgasbord of snacks and joined us, smiling the entire time. I’ve seen sunsets (“yeah, we’ve all seen a beautiful sunset before Ky”) - no, I’ve seen the sun go down & turn the sky from orange to pink to purple to a darker blue while I stood above the clouds on a volcano in Indonesia! I’ve been a patient in hospitals in countries where I do not speak the same language as the doctor. Do you know what gypsy piss smells like? ‘Cause I do! This shit changes you. I mean, a fourteen hour flight - God damn, that alone changes someone!

Traveling alters the way you think about the world. How it’s so big yet so small.. Makes you look at the bigger picture. We might not speak the same language but we do share similarities: we are all humans who are deserving of love & happiness. It changes the way you think about other people that aren’t like you. That didn’t grow up with the same values as your family. Makes you a little less narrow-minded; a little more compassionate towards others that are less fortunate than you, yet very happy with what they do have. Lastly, it changes the way you see yourself.. Through these foreign affairs I know I’ve grown mentally. I am not the same person I was prior to exploring 28 countries. Naturally, I’ve matured with age but I’m more brave & more independent than ever before.

And these are things that I can’t share with friends, colleagues, or whoever asks about my trips. It’s a whole experience I can’t put into words and they can’t relate unless they’ve walked a mile in my shoes. Like Bourdain implied, you have to know it understand it. And, it’s not about Instagram likes.. You’ll come back from these places with more than just that!

Follow Your Own Yellow Brick Road

When I was kid, my favorite movie was the Wizard of Oz. I loved Judy Garland’s bright red shoes and I even dressed as Dorothy a couple of times for Halloween. (That movie is also a possible reason as to why flying in a hot air balloon is very high on my bucket list). Looking back at the story now as an adult, it’s hard to not notice the predominant theme: self-sufficiency. Scarecrow, Tinman, and Cowardly Lion all seek external magic to give them qualities they already possess but fail to recognize. I believe every one of us walks along our own yellow brick road towards whatever we classify as our Oz (success, fulfillment, happiness, whatever it may be).

It seemed like almost immediately after I graduated college, all my peers were jumping right into their professional fields. They earned their diploma and then very quickly started their careers. My story is a little different. I left school still not entirely sure of what I wanted to do in life (ha, still don’t). One thing was for certain: I needed to travel more. I decided to take a “gap year” - a little break to see more of the world before I rushed into anything. Gap years are actually encouraged in other countries but the idea of taking time off from “real life” kinda contradicts the American way. What I didn’t know was that a gap “year” would turn into four years. During this time, I spent a month in Hawaii, lived in Oregon, backpacked Southeast Asia twice, moved to Florida & visited several European countries. I followed my own yellow brick road.

When I look at my friends, the ones that are doing what they went to school for, I somewhat feel like I’m behind on this made up timeline of life events. They’re all living their happy lives in their city apartments, and even though I was out crossing things off my own bucket list, it still didn’t sit right with me. I have barely any money saved for my future. I’ve dug myself out of a couple holes due to maxed out credit cards. Some would think my decisions are irresponsible. I mean, I have a college degree yet I’m working as a waitress asking people how they like their eggs cooked. (To all my industry friends: I am not throwing shade at what we do or belittling our livelihood). It’s just I do not find my job rewarding in any way but it pays the bills and, quite frankly, grants me the flexibility so I can go anywhere at anytime!

But that one year off turned into four and I guess now I feel like I’m scrambling to get my shit together for some reason. A psychic actually told me back in October that she could sense I was being pulled in different directions.. Do I continue to book one way flights and check things off my bucket list? Live for the moment, truly LIVE, because tomorrow isn’t promised? Or, do I finally “grow up” and find a job that will provide me with benefits and a 401k so I can feel like I have more of a purpose? I tried a job within the tourism field and thought “this is great! My parents will be proud I’m finally ‘getting it together’”. That proved to be a bust — that 9-5 office life had me running for the hills. Between the commute and the job itself - I was so unhappy! I also think I’ve avoided the big girl job for so long because there’s so many things I could see myself doing & then I over analyze the options. “Well how do I know that’s the right fit for me? Am I making the right decision?”. I feel so unsure about the whole thing that I just turn back to what I know (& what feeds my soul): stacking up money for my next plane ticket.

Peter Pan Syndrome - someone’s inability to believe they are of an older age and/or inability to engage in behavior usually associated with adulthood. It’s totally a thing! Do I have Peter Pan Syndrome? Eh, depends how you look at it. I guess MY question is why does “adulthood” have to mean that I throw myself into a redundant day to day routine? I guess I’m in search for that perfect balance of work and play. I want to be proud of my job title while also continuing to uncover all the places that are still unknown to me. I just have to remember that IS possible. It doesn’t have to be one or the other..

This quarantine has provided me enough time to do some thinking and I’ve decided to go with just one of the ideas I have up my sleeve. I’m throwing everyone a curve ball and am taking the steps to pursue a career in dental hygiene. Never thought I’d be back in school but, here we are.. hittin’ the books! This will provide me a pretty solid setup for my future and the best part is - I can do that anywhere in the world! The plan is to dive into this health profession, establish some sort of foundation and then travel to third world countries to volunteer. Teach kids in a small village all about oral health and it’s importance. Pass out toothbrushes and show them how to properly brush their teeth. A job in dental hygiene has been in the back of mind for a while & if I add in the travel component, I think it’s something I can get behind!

On my continuing journey along my yellow brick road, I’ve gained all things that Dorthy’s friends did: a brain, a heart & courage. Just like them, I had all these things before, but they only grew as I continued down the road. I attained better street smarts and became more knowledgeable about the places I’ve been. I developed more compassion towards people that were unlike me. And lastly, like the lion, I proved to be more fearless. After all, I’m glad I chose the route I did! This route suits me best & I’m just gunna ride the wave. My yellow brick road consists of cobblestones streets, ancient ruins, white sands, volcanic ash & soon, a dentist office? It may look different than yours.. There can’t be just one road to Oz.

Don’t Let the Fear of Striking Out..

keep you from booking that flight?

I wish I had a dollar for every person that told me “I wish I could do what you did”. I could buy myself another plane ticket with that! This always baffles me because it just seems silly. Chances are, they are capable of doing so, but can’t follow through for whatever reason. Alot of the times their fear holds them back. For some, it’s the fear of flying, but for most, it’s just fear of being out of their comfort zone.

Fear of traveling is scientifically known as hodophobia. This phobia can be brought on by anxious feelings about traveling in a plane or on a cruise ship; being confined in a small space; the thoughts of an accident transpiring.. Events like 9/11 and the Titanic sinking still deter people from taking the “risk” to travel. A memory I distinctly remember as a little girl in first grade - my parents surprised me by telling me we were going to Disney World for my February school vacation. I immediately started to cry, not wanting to go on the plane.. 9/11 was just a few months prior and even though I was 8 years old I still remembered that day in history. I associated flying on a plane with a terrorist attack! And I think many people still carry that trauma with them, years later. You’re putting someone else in charge of getting you to your destination safely. And then what if something happens to the aircraft that’s out of the pilots hands.. I’ve been on many airplanes - some more popular commercial airlines everyone knows and then some more “basic” and cheaper airlines that some would think are sketchy. Aside from that one dramatic episode as a little girl going to Disney, I’ve never really been scared to fly. Buttt, I’d be lying if I said when we hit turbulence for longer than a few seconds, my mind didn’t go elsewhere and I have to start breathing through the negative thoughts. When the pilot comes over the speaker to inform all passengers AND crew members to buckle up, it’s a little unsettling.

But what’s the difference driving in a car? According to a study from 2019, your odds of being in a fatal car crash are 1 in 114, while your odds of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 9,821. For another perspective, that’s 1 fatal accident per 16 million flights. Yet people that are scared to fly routinely drive in their car each day.

Unfortunately, other terrorists attacks have seemed to become popular headlines in the news within the last few years. It’s not just Middle Eastern countries that are listed on a travel warning advisory. People also will say “You shouldn’t go there. It’s not safe”. Shit, it’s not even safe in our own country! Boston bombings, mass shootings in schools, malls and movie theaters.. I’m not saying we should all book a flight to Syria tomorrow, let’s not walk in to a war zone, but should we isolate ourselves inside our homes for the rest of our lives due to fear? People are so scared to go to a country they haven’t been to before but, the reality of it is, whatever could possibly happen in that country is very likely to happen in the US - especially nowadays!

If people aren’t scared of the actual “how you get there” piece of traveling, then they’re just scared to break out from their own comfort zone; what they consider to be safe. I’ve done it all too many times now that I almost forget the feeling of uneasiness prior to travel. I do remember though the first time I was leaving the country alone, for an extended period of time to start my semester in Italy. Lots of emotions, mainly because my parents were emotional about it. Going to a place where no one knows me, I don’t speak their language, I had some other personal issues going on.. Travel doesn’t have to spark “fear”. It’s uncomfortable, yes. Could be challenging, yes. But doesn’t have to ignite fear. I mean, in today’s age, we are so connected through technology it takes some time to miss the people you left behind at home because they are just a FaceTime away.. if the WiFi will allow it! Writing in a journal always helps express my feelings of anxiety while overseas, too.

For the most part though, I feel that when people say “I wish I could do what you did”, I think they mean they wish they had the luxury of taking time from work to frolic through foreign lands.. But they can. They just don’t. See, I have bills too. I don’t know where people get off thinking I have these trips paid for.. like Daddy’s footing the bill for all my bucket list experiences... The only difference between me and these people that “wished they could do what I do” is the choices we made. I chose to work a job that grants me the flexibility to take some time off.. I chose to sacrifice working weekends and missing out on nights with friends so I could stack up some cash. I chose to not spend my nights throwing money around on bar tabs. We all have choices in life .. I chose different ones that opened up doors for me to see the world. I chose to pick a different route in terms of getting on a career path right away.. and it some ways, THAT sparked fear in me; Fear of being behind on this “big girl” timeline.. fear of my resume looking pretty weak years after I graduated college. But the thing I’m most fearful of is not traveling enough!

I’m nervous I won’t see as much of the world as I want to. With many places to be discovered and experiences to partake in, how does one do it all in one lifetime? There is no such thing as “too much travel” for me. I’m never “scared” to leave or suffer from homesickness because I know that when I get back to my little small town, it will be exactly how I left it. I fear missing out on what ELSE is out there .. I have a fear of feeling stuck or trapped. These feelings start to arise when I get too comfortable in my day to day and then my travel bug kicks in. I feel a pull from the Universe telling me I need to book another trip to feel alive again. It’s kind of like a drug I withdraw from. I get my fix by booking my next flight.

Whatever your fears are in terms of travel, silence them and do what you need to do to go where you’re being called to go. You’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t. Like Babe Ruth said “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. Same, same. Don’t let your irrational fears stop you from booking that flight!

Not Enough Americans are Traveling

*For some reason, the most recent statistical information regarding passport ownership dates back to 2018 so I’ll be looking for new info to update this post*

According to Census and State Department data, 21.4 million passports were issued in 2016, which is the most ever. That means that 42% of Americans hold a passport, a growth of 15% since 2007 - this is outstanding news! We’re making progress but compared to the European Union and Australia, Americans are behind when it comes to traveling overseas. Perhaps that’s because we have a big country that’s worth exploring in itself. America the beautiful, I get it. But the the Europeans and Aussies could say the same about their countries. Why is it that Americans won’t cross country borders? Narrow minded? Travel expenses? Many other cultures encourage a gap year & study abroad. Why is this not custom to American students? What would be the reason why America seems to be coming up short on passport ownership?

Travel aversion, not to be confused with hodophobia (fear of travel), is a condition experienced by people that dislike or disapprove of traveling. People who abstain from travel may see traveling more as a chore than as a leisure. Travel-averse people feel well enough at home, and do not see the point in traveling. I met a man from Louisiana, and I will never forget this, who straight up told me he had no desire to leave the state never mind the country. Didn’t see what all the fuss was about. “You can see that shit on TV”. To each their own, but I couldn’t help but feel bad for this guy. How can he not be curious? Not even about places that hold more sentimental value — like where his family heritage is rooted from? I can somewhat understand hodophobia but I will never understand travel aversion.

Cultural and geographical diversity. I wouldn’t say the US does a great job in putting and emphasis on learning about the cultures outside of the US. An example of this would be language.. In the US public school system, you’re not required to take a language course until high school where elementary school students in Europe are being taught a language different from their own. This is why a lot of people you meet outside the US are bilingual. Another example would be the idea that America is a melting pot with many different cultures and and ethnicities among our own streets that we can experience. Because of this, some people may think “then why bother leaving”?

Another reason why Americans find themselves staying within our borders is because of fear or stereotypes towards countries outside the US, sometimes causing us to feel indifferent about going there. A great example of this.. Mexico. Our president has done a fabulous job at classifying the country of Mexico as a land of drug lords and rapists. “It’s dangerous there, I’ll get robbed” is the common thought. The media pushes these fabricated stereotypes that falsely identify countries as places that we should avoid. I think people forget that Mexico holds fascinating ancient history and serves up some pretty delicious food; it’s worth the visit! A stereotype about India would be “I don’t want to go there, it smells there”. I mean, come on people.. it smells in New Jersey too! And have you ever even been to India to actually know it smells? Or are you just assuming that it does because they use curry in their cooking? These are overblown images and stereotypes that are pushed by the media and by TV shows that negatively influence Americans into thinking a visit to this country isn’t worth their time.

Americans receive an average of 14 vacation days from their employer and studies show that on average most of us only use 10 of those days. Research done by Expedia suggests the most common reason why people couldn’t take full advantage of their vacation time was because “work got in the way”. In Europe, workers are granted at least 6 weeks PAID vacation.. where, here in America, we’ll take whatever we can get which is usually on average 2 weeks out of 52! Which - hold on - where can you even go for 2 weeks?! Take into consideration travel time to get to your destination. So instead of 14 days, now you’re really only getting to spend 12 days in this country. And 12 days is just NOT ENOUGH time to get the full experience and visit more than one major city! The US is the ONLY country out of 20 of the most advanced economies that doesn’t require workers to have paid time off. This may be the main contributing factor to the pattern of Americans not going on a vacation - we can’t afford to take off work and not get paid while paying out of pocket for a trip. We almost feel guilty about rewarding ourselves these measly 2 weeks off from work because there’s bills to pay and work that needs to be done. Of course, cost of travel doesn’t always have to be major but for those with lower household incomes, it’s hard to prioritize travel when you’re struggling to get by.

In my time overseas, I realized that it’s popular and highly encouraged for Europeans and Aussies to study abroad or take a year off between college and career path to travel. This idea is not custom to Americans. This is because the US emphasizes making money over taking leisure time. Once you graduate college, people are looking to get right to work to pay off student loans. Research from US Travel recorded that the average age for leisure travel is 47 years old. Why wait so long? My idea is, if you’re going to be working so diligently you should reward yourself for your efforts.. who’s to say you’ll even reach 47 years old!

These are all reasons why America seems to be coming up short on passport ownership. In time, the percentages should rise and we could be on the same playing field as our friends in Europe and Australia. We owe it ourselves to discover what else is out there in the world!

— If you’re someone reading this who doesn’t own a passport, feel free to leave a comment section down below! Even people who do have one - do you use it as often as you’d like to? Whether it be finances, no interest to travel, can’t get time off work or any other reason that springs to mind. No judgement from me! I’m just curious and doing my own little research :)